Comparison: 2010 Audi R8 vs 2011 Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG vs 2010 Porsche 911 Turbo

Attired in sport coats, faces twisted into the same, pathetic "we're players" expressions assumed by all male humans when prowling the Las Vegas Strip, the three of us cut through the bustling, AAA Five Diamond-winning Bellagio hotel and casino and grab a table in the Petrossian Lounge, the sort of gilded neo-classical haven where a man can kick back after a long, hard afternoon driving 500-horsepower, air-conditioned supercars and soothe his aching fingertips with an icy cocktail and the warm view of a hostess who probably moonlights as Heidi Klum. "I'm driving the Gullwing first tomorrow," says Ed Loh, leaning back, libation in hand. "I need seat time to decide whether the V-8 sounds more like the engine room of the USS Nimitz, or KISS playing Wagner during a thunderstorm."

"Actually you're in the 911 Turbo," says Ron Kiino, wiping a dab of caviar from his lips. "I'm in the Audi R8, and Art's in the Gullwing. "I know this because -- oh, sure, I'll have another cocktail, thanks -- I know this because 563 horsepower is too much for you. Also, anything you want you cannot have."

"Fine, I'll gladly drive the Turbo," says Loh. "And you two will be looking at nothing but whaletail, because my Porsche can go from 0 to 60 in [voice rises to taunting falsetto] JUST 2.8 SECCCCOONNDS. Plus, with my skills I can...hey, is Art still here? All I see at his chair is an empty martini glass and a cloud of cigar smoke."

You have just been handed the keys to three German sports cars -- more than $500,000 worth -- each capable of rewriting at least two of Newton's laws of physics and violating five or six articles of the Constitution. Are you going to Disneyland? Not a chance. Instead, you inveigle two colleagues, swoop into Sin City, and, using the star power of your sheetmetal schnitzel, score comp room upgrades at the Bellagio and more attention from the parking valet than Britney Spears unraveling from a Lotus Elise.

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